Day 20: An Involuntary Collaboration

We have big news this week.  Meg continues to pursue musical awesomeness and has shared a song with us that she found on SoundCloud.  The song, Clutch by Casually Here, was instrumental.  Meg fell so in love with this song that she wrote a vocal melody and words to go along with it.

I want to let you guys know that Meg has come a long way, musically, in the past few years.  While she has always been talented and her voice has always been lovely, she is a very different singer than she was when I first got to know her.  She has made a lot of sacrifices in order to concentrate on music (and baking, we can't forget the baking).  I remember listening to a song she covered a few years ago and thinking that all the vocal talent was there, but I didn't see the Meg I know and love shining through.  Coming into your own voice is a big deal.  It means you no longer just sound technically correct, which may imply study and/or natural talent, but that you are no longer afraid to be yourself.  This requires not only a great love of what you're doing, but quite a bit of bravery.  It means you're not just hitting the notes effortlessly, you're infusing them with who you are.  And the bravery isn't only about facing a crowd (something I never quite got used to when I was playing music), but being willing to open yourself up in a very personal way and share that with the world.

Here is the post from her personal blog:

an involuntary collaboration.  i guess that’s what i’m calling it.  (thanks for your help jess!)  it’s not a remix.  i’m not “featured” because that would imply that i’d been an invited guest.  it’s not a real collaboration because i’m pretty sure nic nell (‘casually here’) would have to know that i exist for that word to be true; but i was inspired by his song and i did write a melody and lyrics for it and recorded it.  it was really difficult and fun and i want the opportunity to write and sing a million more times.  for real.  thanks nic nell, for writing something that inspired this girl to write for the first time.

Visit Meg's SoundCloud for her version of Clutch.

Day 15: Postcards from Horrible Places

I received a postcard from Meg this week.  I looked in the mailbox, saw her handwriting, and immediately read the postcard without flipping it over.  She told me that there are times when you visit a place so beautiful that it just has to be shared with the people you love.  Then she told me that now was not one of those times.  The postcard was from Pea Soup Andersen's in Santa Nella, CA.

Oh Meg, I needed that.

Breaking the Surface

I have officially received a much-needed kick in the pants from Meg.  I was working on the post The Silence Stops Now this morning and I kept feeling like something was missing or that I was really skirting the issue at hand.  Mary and I talked about it and she told me that if I felt something was off, I should sleep on it.  But I hadn't posted in a few days and I couldn't see how else I'd change things, so I published the post anyway.  

I can't say it was an absolute mistake, as I don't think it's a horrible piece of writing, but I have to say that I should have listened to Mary.  I'm also thankful to both her and Meg for having my back, while still being able to call me out when I don't say something that I should.  As Meg did in an email to me today, pointing out (very gently) the fact that harassment is what Marcotte was addressing, specifically, in It's Really Time for the Harassment to End on The Raw Story.  From Meg:

I read your post.  It's good, but I think I was still hoping for more.  I feel like it only scratches the surface of how serious and prevalent sexism and harassment are.  Women deal with it every day, to the point that it's regarded as commonplace.  But we are still having to legally combat sexism in the workplace, church, etc.  

I think this is just a hot button issue for me.  I see it, I hear about it from my closest friends, I have to deal with it myself, and it doesn't seem to be getting that much better.  When I read your post, I realized that you didn't go down the harassment road so much as the general sexism one.  And then I was reminded of all of my working-in-church moments, and growing-up-in-private-school moments - where women were truly treated like second class citizens in the most passive and unassuming ways.  The "it's for your own good," "we're protecting you," and "you were actually created not as smart and not as strong as men, it's okay."  Then when you are as smart and strong as the men you're working with, it seems difficult for them to swallow.

"I'm the Best" by Nicki Minaj is Meg's new anthem (at least, this part of it): 

All the girls will come in, as long as they understandThat I'm fightin' for the girls that never thought they could win'Cause before they could begin you told 'em it was the endBut I am here to reverse the curse that they live in

So the question of the day is why did I hesitate to talk about harassment directly?  I suppose because there are so many levels to it - things get complicated very quickly.  And I don't actually want to bash men in general or be negative at all.  But, admittedly, I kind of wussed out on that last post, though I did not intend to.  So here is what I feel, at the end of the day, having talked to other women about this and examined where I stand:

As women, we are not required to treat men the way they want to be treated.  While I prefer to use courtesy with my fellow human beings, I am not required to give my attention or anything else to anyone, if I do not want to.  I do not owe anyone anything.  My preference for courtesy, tact and diplomacy come from wanting to have a nice, positive experience with other people and hopefully get the same in return.  However, I will not respond well to acts of intimidation or attempts to make me feel guilty.  I will not put up with someone who tries to control or overpower me.  I would never do that to another person, why on earth would I allow them to do that to me?

There is a difference between being courteous, which both sexes benefit from, and being the one who always has to be in control.  That is, in the end, what the harassment is about - power, domination, control.  I don't care if you think you're better, stronger or smarter than me - you might be all three - you do not own me, control me or get to have me.  

To Meg, On Her Birthday

Today is our music tastemaker Megan's birthday.  I wanted to take a moment to thank Meg for all she's done for LostGirls, but most importantly for being an amazing, lovely, talented, sensitive, caring, chock full of awesome kinda gal.  Meg is the kind of friend who doesn't just accept people for who they are, but really loves them for being themselves.  She thinks the best of people in a way that is not naive, but hopeful and gracious.  Hers is the kindest of hearts and I feel protective of her in a Mama Bear way (I think we all do).  I also think she has excellent taste in music, clothes and nail polish.  Cheers, Meg.