I am going to steal from myself today. I have this old blog that I completely abandoned when I left California and I went looking for it today and realized...it's not so bad. There are still usable pieces. So while I decide (over the next month, because I'm slow like that) what I'm going to do with it, I am going to share some of it with you. With yous.
I would like to talk to you about cats. Or "catses" as I like to call them. Because the only logical thing to follow up a post on being single and being yourself is to announce to the world that you're a crazy cat lady, right? A couple of years ago I worked with three different people who didn't like cats. Two of them were actually afraid of cats. All the people I'd known before who weren't fond of cats were allergic, so it made sense to me that they'd want to stay away. But afraid of them? That just defied all logic to me, so I asked them and here is what they then told me and how I felt about it:
Reason #1: Cats like to attack people. This is the same reasoning I've heard from people who don't like dogs. Or rats. Or, in my case, parrots. I imagine that they've been attacked at some point and that's why they're afraid of them. I may not completely understand, but I'll admit that I flinch whenever I hear the cry of the macaw. But the only thing that my cats, Ricochet and Frankie, attack is each other and flying insects. Sometimes the latter are imaginary.
Reason #2: Cats are aloof. Ah, the most common cat stereotype. Yes, I have had cats and met cats that were total snobs and wanted nothing to do with humans...or any other creature, for that matter. But, as with all generalizations, not all cats are like that. Simple fact: Cats have different personalities. This shouldn't be so amazing to people. Years ago, a co-worker of mine met my cats and exclaimed, "Oh my, they have such...personality!" I had never even thought to consider that they wouldn't have personalities. It just seems so strange to me. But then, I name all insects Norman, so...yeah. You may walk into my home thinking cats are aloof, but you'll be coated in cat hair by the time you leave and reeling from the lovemaking session you've just endured from either one, or both, of them.
Reason #3: Cats aren't affectionate. See above. Anyone who has met Ricochet knows this is just plain false. Go in search of a Tonkinese and you will discover very quickly just how affectionate cats can be. In fact, my nickname for Ricochet is ManWhore. No one will love you like Ricky, but be careful - he's my friend Matt's boyfriend, not yours.
Reason #4: Cats serve no purpose. My cats make me happy every day. Sure, they drive me nuts sometimes (like at 1030 every morning, when Frankie has a kitty witching hour and runs in circles around the apartment), but they also crack me up. I would say I have the world's weirdest cats, but I've met my mom's cat, Taser, so I can't win. He and Ricochet have at least one very weird thing in common. They both think they're really sneaky and will try to slither onto your lap when you've knocked them off a couple of times. I mean belly-to-the-ground "I think I'm a snake-I think I'm a snake-I think I'm a snake" sort of slithering. It's really bizarre. And then, once they've made it into your lap, they freeze, as if you won't notice them if they keep very, very still. Although I find this adorably stupid, Taser has been known to trick my stepfather by wrapping himself around my mom's feet and holding still if my stepdad walks into a room that Taser is not allowed to be in. Evidently he can pass as a pair of big, brown fuzzy slippers.
Ricochet thinks very little of this anti-cat sentiment, as you can see here:
And Mary's cat, Taser, thinks your computer is for warmth, not for this nonsense.
You might start to think that cats are going to take over the world, the sweet sneaky little things. But, really, it's already happened. They just spend so much time napping that it's hard to tell.
I was inspired by the Up to Speed episode on San Francisco, which I watched a few days ago, to name him after Joshua A. Norton. Norton appointed himself Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, in 1859. He also made several proclamations as Imperial Majesty Emperor Norton I. I feel ashamed that I'd never before heard about Norton, having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area. But the connection between him and the Emperor of San Francisco in Christopher Moore's book, A Dirty Job, has forever imprinted his story on my brain. And Moore wasn't the first to take inspiration from this highly eccentric individual (among others, Mark Twain and Robert Louis Stevenson based characters on him).
