Release

There is a fine line between trying to make a better life for yourself and wasting the life you have by wishing for something else.  Bemoaning your circumstances may be an occasional inevitability, but if you are spending time every week wishing and hoping and dreaming, but never doing, then chances are you will never get any of what you want.  Or, even worse, when it finally falls into your lap in some shape, you won't have any appreciation for it.  There's a good chance it still won't make you happy.  Everything we strive for requires effort.  And more than just a little.

I have a good friend who, by living his life the way he does, has managed to inadvertently teach me how not to live mine.  It's a bit of a sad thing, really.  I wish him all the best.  What I'm really wishing for him is that he will someday appreciate where he is in his life.  He is one of those people who is constantly in a grass-is-greener mode.  He has convinced himself that what he has for a life isn't nearly good enough.  And he is always looking for the next best thing.  He is impatient for things to fall into place, angry that they haven't, and too blinded by all that impatience and frustration to see what he has right in front of him.  He's even admitted that there's a chance that he'll just never be happy.

It isn't about looking at someone "less fortunate" and being grateful for the roof over your head (though that doesn't hurt).  After all, there are quite a few wealthy people who are utterly miserable.  I know a few myself and I am not remotely jealous of their lives.  I may barely make ends meet right now, but I'll be damned if I'm not happy anyway.  Even on the days when I am emotional and moody, seeing someone I like at work can wipe that right out of my head.  What amazes me more is that I have somehow found myself thinking, "Enough of this, do something productive and you'll get past it."  Crazy how well that works, but it works because I choose for it to work.  Sounds nutty, right?  I'm actually doing it right now.  And the moment I set my fingers on the keyboard, I knew I'd be okay.  I knew that the sadness that was starting to take a stab at me wouldn't be able to hold its ground. 

Some what-ifs are better
left to daydreams, of course.

Look, there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of your life.  There's nothing wrong with wanting a better life for yourself.  But there is something terribly wrong with not living the life you have with at least appreciation for all that you have worked for and all that you have been given.  As for all those dreams you have, what are you doing to make them happen?  Even if it's something small, it's still something.



So as I said before, everything in life requires effort.  And I'm okay with that, because when all of my hard work pays off in even the smallest way, that success is so much sweeter.  And the failures that come here and there, no longer seem insurmountable.  Scary, sometimes, yes.  But life is about constant change and change can frighten us if we allow it to.

Now I have a question, especially for my fellow NaBloPoMo-ers, since we do have a theme to go with this month.  Do you feel like the worst pressure on us is that which we put on ourselves?  I do wonder.

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house.  Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.  

                                                                                                ~Robert Frost

Danger Danger

The theme for January's NaBloPoMo on BlogHer is PRESSURE.  I think it's pretty funny, considering that we've just left the most pressure-filled time of year.  Pressure to get all your shopping done.  Pressure to meet the expectations of family and friends.  Pressure to make deadlines at work, despite the holiday craziness.  Your blood-pressure rising because of all the traffic and lines and chaos.  I honestly feel like here, now, just after midnight on New Year's Eve, I finally feel the pressure breaking.  Sweet, sweet relief.

January marks new beginnings for everyone, of course.  For me, it has long been the month I have to make a few decisions about my life.  I gave myself till January to figure out how to make things work with two jobs.  I gave myself till now to figure out if I could stay in the Pacific Northwest.  And if I can keep working in retail.

I haven't made all the decisions yet.  Luckily, the month isn't over yet.  But I did make one important decision.  I decided to resign from one of my jobs.  A few months ago, it would have been hard to choose between them.  But the holidays showed me which one would be more stable for me, which would provide better, and which would offer more opportunities in the future.  Thus, my time with Lush ends mid-January.

I have been a fan of Lush for many years now.  And leaving the company will not lessen my love of the products.  I will truly miss seeing the people I've had the pleasure of working with, both at my current store and those I got to see every so often at training.  But, the moment I gave my notice, I felt that bubble of pressure in my chest burst.

I don't know how people manage two jobs in the same field.  I honestly thought my two would balance each other out, but they actually proved to be too much together.  I was tired all through the holidays, I had very little time to myself and when I got sick right before Christmas, it hit me hard.  I really think I am getting too old for this.  But that's okay, it helped me make a firm decision and it will help me figure things out from here on out.  Maybe my theme for this year should be reducing pressure in all aspects of my life.