Monday, December 31, 2012

Failures of Old

I told my mom this morning that I feel like a directionless failure of late.  A bright and sunny way to start a post, no?  

Unfortunately, I feel trapped lately.  Equal parts trapped and unwelcome.  I worry that coming to the East Coast was yet another bad move, but this time one that I should have seen coming.  I did not have a good Christmas at home, though friends saved me on Christmas afternoon/night.  And work is always good - loving my job is something that has not changed.  Though being sick so much has gotten in the way of that, not to mention aiding in the utter failure that was December's NaBloPoMo for this blog.

My mom, being as awesome as always, recommended that I sit down and set new goals.  It sounds self-help-y a bit, but it really is a good way to leave past failure behind.  Look forward to the new.  Face new challenges head on, instead of cowering in a corner wishing the past hadn't happened.  Always moving forward.  Not letting the failures of old spook you into giving up altogether.

Anyway, here's what I've got so far:

Sign up for January's NaBloPoMo on BlogHer - for reals this time.

NaBloPoMo January 2013

This means not only trying to post every single day on the LostGirls blog, but putting LostGirls on the BlogHer site for others to check out.

Set reading goals for 2013. 

Inspired by this post from Sassymonkey Reads, which I found on BlogHer.  It got me thinking about my reading habits (which is to say, I read a lot but it's really random) and how I might be able to get inspiration from other places, instead of relying solely on my mood at the time of browsing for a new book.  I am particularly interested in the "I've Always Meant to Read that Book!" Challenge and the Foodie's Read Challenge.

One I've already started, by accident...

This would be not putting up with crap the way I have been for the past few months.  When diplomacy fails because it isn't welcome, what are you left with?  Bitchiness, evidently.  Maybe one of my goals can be that I won't allow things to get so bad that I start to despise people.  And that part is less about their welfare, more about not compromising my own standards.  Other people's passive-aggressiveness drives me batty.  But becoming combative is not appealing.  I'm less concerned with them liking me than with me still liking myself.

I also know that if someone can't be convinced to discuss a single problem with you, to actually hear you out and be heard, then there's no relationship there.  It does, in fact, take two - regardless of the type of relationship you have: family, friend, significant other, arch nemesis...

Sometimes leading a better life means snipping out the bits that simply aren't working.  It's very sad, to be honest, but sometimes there's less of a choice than you want to believe.  And it doesn't have to be permanent.  Sometimes you just need time apart.  Sometimes it's lots of time.  Like years...or ya know...millenia...

In any case, those are my goals thus far.  And, unlike New Year's resolutions, I can keep adding to the list as I go along.  But for the rest of tonight, I'm going to listen to Billie Holiday and Bill Withers (I swear, they go great together) and drink ginger ale and have a night cap of NyQuil so I'm fresh for work in the morning.

To you and yours, have a very Happy New Year.

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